it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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