i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize