So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
