Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
