Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
