But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
