u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
