I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize