im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
