I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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