I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
