have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
