So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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