I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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