If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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