Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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