Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
