I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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