trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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