My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
