Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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