I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think your dad took our porno
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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