Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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