Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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