I'm lost and stupid without you.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
