i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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