just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
