I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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