kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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