I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
