Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
