Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
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