Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
