So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
