do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
