he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
