i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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