i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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