I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Kiss
Puke
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
