You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
