Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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