Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
