Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
what day is it and did you see me today?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
