if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
