She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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