No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
