since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
