Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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