forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
