do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
