I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
