You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
