Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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