Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
