CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
