She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I smell stomach acid.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
