Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
