my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize