this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
