My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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