i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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