you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
