hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
