So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
