first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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