I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
