At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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